Trial and Error (SB Fanfiction)
Synopsis Squidward has filed a court case against SpongeBob. If Squidward loses, he will be placed under House arrest for 30 days. But if SpongeBob loses, he will become Squidward's personal slave! Story Squidward is snipping his bonsai tree, which of course looks like him. SQUIDWARD: Ah yes, don’t worry, little plant. I’m as far away from SpongeBob as possible, and you can’t get destroyed. A burning potato flies through Squidward's window and sets fire to the bonsai. SQUIDWARD: My Darling! Squidward storms outside, where SpongeBob and Patrick are playing ”Burning Potato”. SQUIDWARD: SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, OVER THE LAST 19 YEARS, YOU HAVE SLOWLY POISONED MY SIMPLE LIFE! YOU GOT ME BANNED FROM CEPHELOD LOUNGE, FORCED ME TO SPEND SUNDAYS CLEANING DUMPSTERS, AND RUINED MY CHANCES OF GETTING A DECENT NEIGHBOR! WHY DO YOU STILL LIVE HERE! SPONGEBOB: Because we don’t want to move, Squidward! SQUIDWARD: That's it! I am sueing you for all of your money and personal belongings! And if you lose, you have to live in my basement and do all my work for me! SpongeBob gasps. SPONGEBOB: Does that mean I have to...GIVE YOU MANICURES?!? PATRICK: And if SpongeBob wins, then you have to stay inside your house for 30 days, and we can visit you whenever we want! SPONGEBOB: Great Idea, Pat! PATRICK: What? SQUIDWARD: Okay, deal! I’ll see you in court! Cuts to a courtroom full of people. BALIFF: Court is now in session! Judge Whopper bangs his grovel. JUDGE WHOPPER: We will now hear the case of Squarepants vs. Tentacles. Squidward enters and goes behind his stand, which has a red seal on it. The seal has a sword on it. BASTIFF: On this side of the court, we have the plaintiff, Mr. Squidward Tentacles. SpongeBob takes his place behind his stand, which seal has a shield on it and is blue. BASTIFF: On the other side of the court, we have the defendant, Mr. SpongeBob SquarePants. SPONGEBOB: Hi? SQUIDWARD: You’re doomed, Sponge-Idiot! I have footage of you attacking me because you thought I was a fisherman! SPONGEBOB: I’ve seen how you treat your snail! Squidward just stares at him blankly until Judge Whopper addresses the case. JUDGE WHOPPER: Mr. Tentacles, you have sued our defendant for more than $200, plus the deed to his house. Why have you done this? SQUIDWARD: Why? WHY!? BECAUSE HE DESTROYED EVERYTHING THAT MADE MY LIFE WORTH LIVING!! AND HE’S ALSO ATTACKED ME MORE THAN ONCE OVER THE PAST 19 YEARS!!!! The Jury murmers about how Squidward's reason was brilliant and that they do not need to justify. Patrick notices and takes action. PATRICK: You’re all being Dum-Dum! Now listen! Squidward‘s Lawyer is going to show up in exactly one minute and prove him wrong! Everyone except Squidward stares at the door. Nothing happens. PATRICK: See? If you were so sure Squidward was right, you wouldn’t have looked at the door! Why the barnacles am I acting so smart?!? SPONGEBOB: Good Job, Pat! PATRICK: Thanks! Squidward doesn’t seem ready to lose a court case to a derpy sponge and an idiotic sea-star. SQUIDWARD: Oh, NONSENSE! I bet I could win the crowd with a joke! Squidward opens a briefcase full of lobster. SQUIDWARD (Silly voice):Oops! Sorry about that! I’m on a seafood diet! I see food, I eat it! Squidward makes a cringey face. Everyone is silent. SPONGEBOB: That joke sucked, even for me! Judge Whopper bangs his grovel. JUDGE WHOPPER: Court agrees, that joke sucked. Since we can’t settle this the easy way, we will do it with a FISH FIGHT! The lights turn off, a spotlight centers in the middle of the court, which has been turned into a wrestling ring. Squidward And Spongebob are wearing red and blue wrestling singlets, respectively, with Squidward wearing a helmet. SQUIDWARD: It all ends now, Spongebob! SPONGEBOB: Yeah, especially for you! Squidward does an aside glance, and tackles Spongebob. He then proceeds to hit him in face face hard several times. SQUIDWARD (Between punches): I! HATE! YOU! SO! MUCH! Spongebob has a black eye and blood is dripping out of his mouth. SPONGEBOB (Between getting punched): SQUIDWARD! STOP! IT! HURTS! SQUIDWARD (Between punches): THAT’S! THE! IDEA! WHY! AM! I! SPEAKING! LIKE! THIS? (Squidward picks Spongebob up, pushes him into the netting, and lets go. The jury watches in horror and gasps as Spongebob is catapulted between netting before landing on his face.) SPONGEBOB: Okay, Squidward, you win! I will live in your basement! SQUIDWARD (With a crazed look in his eyes): After what I‘ve been through? Oh, Spongebob, You’re not going to my basement! You’re going to the FUNERAL HOME!!! (All seems lost. The Judge looks away, waiting for the inevitable. The Bailiff has his phone out, recording evidence to be used in the murder trial against Squidward.) JURY MEMBER (Tom): Good Neptune, this is terrible! Who’s going to stop him? ???: I’ve got your back, Spongebob! (The camera pans to reveal Patrick, coming to Spongebob’s aid hale being held back by security guards.) SPONGEBOB: PATRICK?!? PATRICK: Don’t Worry! I made you a special spatula to use as a weapon! (Spongebob takes the spatula from Patrick just before he’s forced back into the crowd by the security guards.) TBA Callbacks The things Squidward complains about SpongeBob doing in order: * Getting him kicked out of Cephalopod Lounge (Cephalopod Lounge) * Forcing him to clean dumpsters on Sundays (Good Neighbors) * Ruined his chances to get a decent neighbor (New Fish in Town) Category:Pjdem06 Category:2018 Category:Episodes